Sad Songs From A Colder Country

"Looking at the sunset skyline that resembles 

The creases in the corners of your mouth when you smile. 

Where have you been lately?"

A hollow horn from a faraway train can be heard through the coldness in this place

It sits atop the canyons and resonates when it wants, it does it's best to claim it's place as my new lasting haunt.

These tiny hands can only do so much in a day, while you're somewhere far away enjoying breaths from the day

And I'll be good, my dear. I promise I'll be good.

I think and think about all the "maybes" that I want to become "shoulds".

I'm paralyzed on a daily basis from the fear of going it alone,

I know I'm madly in love with you my dear, more than I love this new town I call a home.

I count the hours that go between each message from afar,

I don't care if they're nice or mean, it just means I'm a part of where you are.

And oh Lord, how I am trying. I am trying to be the best man that I can be,

I look back at those empty days with disdain, I look at the future as one big "maybe".

Count blessings like you're counting the stars, but once you get into it you forget exactly where you start

And we're alone now, yes you and me

But not alone with each other, we're just two oarless boats in the same hopeless sea

I pray for clarity, oh God, and how I pray for belief

I pray that one day very soon you will open your chest and see there's a spot designed perfectly for me

But not tonight, and probably not tomorrow,

I'll have to keep on sitting alone in this foreign town and keep on searching for the right path to follow.

I miss the warmth from your bed, I long for the brushing of your carpet against my cheek

I miss the feeling I got when my brown eyes would glow a bit from your blue eyes reflecting back at me

I had a universe in a corner of that room, where entire planets of interests would collide

And create new worlds in their wake, ones made from the passion you could provide.

But now I sleep on someone else's property, I live on someone else's time

I know I have a lot to prove, but holy shit, that's such a steep climb.

And I will climb to the top, and I will shout your name from the precipice

I want to hold you above me so you're the tallest, proudest thing on this canvas.

I want to celebrate your wins, I want to spit at those who doubt

I want to be the name at the tip of your tongue when people ask "what's the one thing you couldn't do without?"

If love is just a four letter word, then I want to be the one to make you spell it out slowly,

Making every sound out your mouth last longer than the one before until it becomes the only word you ever speak.

It's getting cold to the touch out here, just like the passions you give

This lonely place only serves to remind me of the position that we're currently in.

But who's job is it to conquer? To brazen up and survive and provide?

I don't expect a whole lot to come to me now, because I know how I used to push it aside.

We all start out young and dumb and selfish and the worst of our kind.

I just hope you truly believe in the changes going on inside & outside.

It's awful quiet in this new town of mine, it's off to a rocky start

But who would ever want to look back and read a book about how things were always fine the way they are?

I now sleep all alone, on a couch where the memories decide to sit on my side

I pray to Jesus every night and day that this is all leading me to all I desire.

I try to count the cherished moments share, just like trying to count the stars

But they all flood in at once and so I never get very far.

One always sticks out in particular, for whatever moment that may be

But it never gets old or tired or corrupted, and that's how I know the things I tell you, I truly mean.

One day, we will feel no pain at all. This will all just be a funny memory

Of a lowly time when I was just a pathetic man only dreaming of you here with me.

To imagine the taste of victory, in these troubled times and town,

I know sometime very soon, all these evils swimming up will lose their faith in me and drown.

It's been months now, darling, and these things have a habit of dying in their own time.

I just hope you can accept that and push on, pull through to me and leave it all behind.

All we can do is hope, we can't pretend to be foolish and think

That we will never rise again, shine beautifully and become overwhelmed by the sight of everything.

Of all the colors and the happiness and the future that dreams bring

I can't force myself to drown when I know it's all waiting there for me.

And it's waiting for you too, it's grinding in teeth in impatience for us

It wants to shake us loose from these confines and roll us together in it's arms

It's all there, it wants to come back, it wants to be seen and realized

It wants to be enjoyed by us as promised, it wants to savor us for all that time

We spent wallowing in fear, in desperation and hate

It wants to see us realized and wrap us in good faith.

Now will you see it through? See us shine? See your love for me?

Oh darling, sweet beautiful baby, dear, I want this more than anyone could believe.

I want the kingdom of Heaven to envy us, the canyons to quake as we enter the halls,

I just can't wait to have the stars fall down just get a closer look at how we have it all.

I look up to no man, because they will never have what I will

And that includes you, darling, and it just means we will have it all.

We will have it all.

This is what passion looks like. There is beauty behind that sunset, and it's everything we've ever wanted.