Pathetic

Given the time to suppress;
Anemic and afraid
Gravel chosen to be the blood
Shut it in.

Gargled smokescreens,
I’m fine/
You’re not allowed to talk
The basic principle of tolerance
Beckon the chaste

It’s two blocks to my house,
Or
Two days until it’s…
Suppress and summon
Suppress and summon
Pick and pull
Let’s both do it
I hate it all so much,
I can’t stop laughing

Loud

I’m always fervently waiting,
Sweaty palms against forest cheeks
For the moment to arise
And then it does

And then I would rather
Suffocate dog-dazed in perpetuity
Because I thrive
When I am a skyscraper presently in demise

The earth beneath me billows
And I go down in such a devastating spectacle
Fireworks from a cadaveric spasm

Energy

The head turning isn’t enough.

I feel it in my nervous palms, my
Noisy heady cancer
My
My colloquial death paradigm
I am!
I am shut lidless youth burns
How raped are you?
What a life we live!
How noisy do you die?
How loud do your wings beat
Before they are swatted, no name?
Callous neck cracks licking a
Young cheek moist
Decrepit
Noise
Shallow cunt frivolous hard-on gaped
I pulsate
Gestate
I am a fucking tarantula of bulging…
Thoughts
The brain is not to be trusted

I am

Smile

Elevation

I’m off to visit God
Shut the fuck up, we know he’s there
We’re so ready to accept that life
Has no purpose
When, if you stopped to marvel at any
Thing

You’d see

He’s right here
She’s right here
They’re right here
I am here

I want to sacrifice
My own fucking head
And let my open throat moan
Into a chant
While I let go of gravity
Law
Abundance
Feel
Sex
Fulfillment
And become ethereal
Nothing

With God

You’re but a shrill yelp for importance
While everything we’ve all ever wanted
Is

Up

Wet Circles

Humiliate
Circinate
Perplex
I think it’s all so beautiful:
A dismal vulgar display of my own innards
Made monotone for aesthetics
A counterpart to a half broken smile
Set in sand, blinded by raindrops,
Deafened by your own full soundtrack
You made in your head.

Everybody’s sleeping, you cantankerous fuck
What makes you so effortless?
You’re drowning in your own ouroboros,
I love that I hate that I love it.
You’ve said all this before,
Haven’t you?

Stimulation by the same grays that get
Monochromed by existence/
You’re the radiant one,
Aren’t you?

And you’re not going to stop bleeding light
Onto every fractured face you can influence
Because you are that selfish broken wing

Steady gaze.
Blood voluptuous.
Shock valueless.

Theatrics

Hear me this:

I’ve accepted the shooshing of the machine
Negligee grimaces won’t be mine; no more
Beaten
Beaten
The sentences with no punctuations
Occidental primal necessities
Kiss the pavement with a glossy veneer of
Smug satisfaction
The beauty of tremolos
Dissipated into a warble
Echoed is the unsung enemy
Filling my cavernous mind with a needless
Need for need for need for need
Let’s make it loud,
Make it hurt,
Make it agitated,
Reactionary need for need for
Puppets to a strange emperor
And I like to dance and he likes when I dance
Don’t make it obvious
We all strive with our brailled fingertips
Gimme

Evangelica

Midnight smokescreen fills vapid ballrooms.
I met her sitting,
Cradling her chest like a paralyzed pigeon
I offered her a cigarette, produced it
Like a bouquet of fingers praising the night,
Smiles were involuntary.

Cordial quickstep on top of our nervous systems,
She spoke and
Soft insects’ pincers were produced;
Quizzing me on my many evil whims,
Softening my tarpit trap into a swooning mire.
I listened with such viscous intent.

“Yeah, and that, too”,
A bullhorn produced from the protester
Of her breasts,
And I couldn’t help myself but ponder
So many great tragedies that I found myself
Devoted to.

I want to climb into that maternity noose
And rock my lungs from it like a telephone wire,
Expelling lovesongs I didn’t write,
Thoughts I can’t dizzy up,
And a puffed chest of
Drunken testosterone chants.
I will never be my father, I’m too good at being
My own new brand of awful.

She gets up.

My favorite senses engorge upon such remnants
Gluttony shivers like a salted sickle.
Act 3, the man-made, worn, ugly, hedonistic
Karmic
Pig

That I am

Burns and revels. Engulfs, eats, licks.
Pathetic.

She returns.

Is this for you or me?
I take every detail like a entitled fuck-you to
Chivalry, a soirée on feel-good gluttony, a
Challenge to my sense of self-containing beauty,
A hate letter to the monogrammed chimes,
Seditionists,
Leftovers,
The self-made cats,
The fucking dyed appetites, the suicide cravings,
The suckle-shaped martini under my fingers.
Wait, wasn’t this about you?

Oh God
You are me and I am I
You’re what I don’t have the challenge to be
Kiss cult bravery
Intertwined with kaleidoscopic sex organs
How engorged.

Pretty, little, frail, disconnected words.

Great-Full

Thank you

Consistent learning
Blossoming
I’ve been forced to swallow so much
And the evacuation has been roses
Shiny rubbings
Let me give this gift

Thanks, coach

Dialytic and Self-Induced

Curving at the moon’s climax comes a
Wandering need,
Surfacing at the dull-drum’s doldrums and
Winking at it’s own stye;
Staving off with a hot amphetamine kiss
I can’t deny it!
It’s a lifelong pressurized itch
And I cannot stand it!
Supplementing a sterile blanket of condolences.

I bet if I spit into your open throat
You’d think it was an act of atonement

I’m gonna ride the bunny-eyed violence,
The kitty-cat carnality,
Ride this fucking nervous gun into old radicalism
Happiness is a masturbation of barbiturates.

These thirsty wheels are turning fast,
With each spoke digging, depending on the
Momentum of my leg’s muscles
You swear you’re happier now?
The Theremin in your pulsing chamber
Claims it so
I
    Am
                    Thirsty

My Fear Is A Brilliant Beacon

He took it as a sign of weakness.

His loneliness opened up like a carapace
For all to violate
Rape the carcass; what good does it serve
You?
His evil has become your entertainment,
Spectated by sparkling severed heads
Gawking and begging for the next
Evil cock to fill it.

Fucked and bound.

He

He means no harm,
He is the son of man’s regression,
Begging for a sliver of audience
Puckered audience sitting down with
Navels pronounced, belly-opened chasm.

Whose daughter is this?
Whose daughter is this?

Sweetly serenading you with
The profuse sweat of a cooked bible
Hocking enamored breasts with
Another feeble attempt at intellect

He is you.
He is you.

He is the man, the being, the bastard mistake
The fat man who crying, hedonistic
He is the crutch with which you build
This shiny sparkling tapestry on
He is your abused martyr.
Let’s us bow now and…no!
Celebration is for the weak

He took it as a sign of weakness.

Melodrama

Maybe I am
All of those beautifully mean spirited
Adjectives
That you’ve assigned to me

I am

What of it?
I think I like me more
Now than I ever have before in my life
I am melodrama
I am ubiquitous with disease
And laughter
I am the concubine to your expectations
Perpetually suffering and inquisitive
And introspective
Forever pompous and proud
You are my proof that I
I am
I am forever your ignored saint

My altar is shaped like
An island made of pianos.

Settling. Resolve

Holding your face
Look there
It’s from you
This is the least

You are not
Not the sun
Loss of wax

Everything
Wanes
Definite

Ill

It’s never looked this sick:

Seasick, to be precise;
Swimming up the stairs
Into a celestial haven
Occupied by thieves//
Marionettes
Into the wrinkles of my mind
Where they will stay
And lay dormant until
The folds of my mind stretch
And spreads its orifice
To breathe
To swallow
To allow

Up on Southwest Green
There’s an exchange of chemicals
Always happening
Both physical and non
Upwards,
Skywards,
I’m so dizzy
And I’m happy to turn a blind eye
And instead wrap myself
In a photo or short text message
Sempiternal consolation

Give me my medicine: I’m sick

Why

I am cursed with life
And a need to strive
Even with this vice
I don’t want to decide
Yes, I want to decide
I want to survive
But that’s someone’s lie
I thought about it twice
What it means to die
Or just not suffice
Wouldn’t it be nice
To not be contrived
To be your new wife
Like a gaping vine
Hanging from the lights
Secondhand advice
I thought, I think, I gripe
Will you ever try
To dress to the nines
And talk of our small lies
Of how you tried
I don’t think I’m kind
I’m a bastard tried
I smile at suicide

Why

No Seraphine

Collisions

Are you still in contact?
Haven’t you heard?
Indefinitive doldrums of a slowly starving city
I am aging, and I want that
Seraphine
Come kill the need with
A secure wrapping of our lingo
I find hospice in your words

Look, I’m not going to find it
I’m not going to enjoy it
Can we just joke about
Blowing my brains out
Together?

Together

I enjoy the frailty of that statement. It
Makes it
Have bite
Show me your fangs

Heard Amongst The Non-Ceremonial Circular Tryst

“Elaborate more, please.
It’s like watching you pick up the same
Two glasses with one hand,
Only to drop one when grabbing the other.
Those small hands.
Fluctuate
Vibrate
Circumvent
I’m so ashamed of our ebb and flow
I am not a failure, I don’t want to die
But

But

I entertain you
I entertain this-that
Holds a hand over my nose and mouth
And I can smell the faulty perfume
I can taste the salty skin that was mine
Bonded
Exaggeratedly, damned,
I am a harrowing thief of validation.

Clasping, clutching letting my
Extremely old and violently comfortable habits
Take hold and hold onto what I’ve taken
Slip away into a murky
Digestible pill of ugly normalcy
I’m about as real as you are
Which is to say, real by belief alone
We are both someone’s prophetic muse!
Do we exist? I’ve tasted this before.
Again and again
But no
This one is stronger
This one is real
A reliquary attempt to propagate
A primitive need
How I envy you.

It was good to see you again,
I’ll cherish these moments
And instinctually mentally masturbate to them
Ritualistically, without want
Because my mind wants so many things
All at once
But this is the here and now
And I don’t want to die.



Let’s do this again next week.
I miss missing you.”

Cousin

There you are
Standing in front of the mirror,
Fixing your tie
While I lay on this hotel bed
In the middle of fucking nowhere, California
And just
Admire

I admit, finally,
That I was the pompous one
Your silence makes me want to…

I’ll be the one to violently shake my words out
While you continue to be
Us
Vicariously

I am in between, always

Winding Down

Succulent succubus covered in grime
Telling me how to cover their tracks
Selling information best left to pantomime,
I awaken in a field of slivered second thoughts.

I lightly suggest that it’s merely racist,
Maybe just a hint of fascist
To uncover all my secrets with a stethoscope
Skipping in and out of
An undulating wrist
I don’t want to be known
As the man not a man not a man
Without a pulse/pulse…

Supplemented with a slow degradation
That I’m supposed to accept
These are the carnivorous pleadings
Of a chastised man
Cleft lip, black lung,
Silver tongue, pink heart,
Only healthy, healthy! Healthy!
For the cameraman in the back.

Stand back, there is no stampede.
We are the turbulence.

Mortal

I like
Being empty
It keeps me hungry
And avidly searching for
Whatever it is
I’m
Avidly searching for

I think my
Time here is becoming
More finite
And defined
And I can look at myself
In a mirror
And know that someone
Else
Is getting more of you than I ever did
And the person
In the mirror
Looks me in the
Eyes
And then down to my body
My body
My lonely body
And says:

“One day”

Cherry Bombs (Blossoming) [lyrics]

Hallucinations again

Bear witness to a false idol

Heavy anticipation

Your company causes outbursts

Same tension comes from all men

But mine leads towards the bridal

Efforts turn to dissipation

We all know I was here first

Cherry bombs, blossoming

In the wind, harrowing

Stay with me, there is so much more

Holy touch, nectar breeze

Vulgar wants, perfume sweet

Fix your gaze, I want so much more

Bruised by my own ambitions

I thought I passed the trials

This fruit is not forbidden

So why is it taken away?

You claim to want tradition

Bent knees met with denials

Your blossoms are not hidden

To which I am a slave

Cherry bombs, blossoming

In the wind, harrowing

Stay with me, there is so much more

Holy touch, nectar breeze

Vulgar wants, perfume sweet

Fix your gaze, I want so much more

Hand in hand, promising

Future plans, kindling

For a spark dwindling anew

Just one time, satiate

Tested words, radiate

Explosions, bursting out for you

Cherry bombs, blossoming

In the wind, harrowing

Stay with me, there is so much more

Holy touch, nectar breeze

Vulgar wants, perfume sweet

Fix your gaze, I want so much more

Hopelessly, helplessly,

Circling outside of needs

Harvesting for some sense of normalcy

When it’s gone, it’s not gone

When it’s back, it’s not back

When it’s dead, then it’s dead

And I’m wrung again

More and more, grab both ends

Suffocate, wring me out.

Perspective

He brought it up to his face,
To take a better look at it.
Though it was raining outside;
It was damp and shivered with anxiety.
Cold, brilliant schisms were present,
But went unannounced.
Vapid and empty, let’s call this space
“Harmony”

He smiled.
“This is my purpose.”

Crawling to the edge of his palm, he
Extended his other hand to catch it
Confident smothering.
Sacrifice denied.
There was no purpose, just hollow points.

Measurements

Do you have the capacity to
Quantify affection?
Do you understand how short-lived and
Short term that is?
If you could quantify hatred,
Wouldn’t that just give more of the
Same feeling?
You have the ability to laugh,
To measure defeat in a friend,
To make me want to
Take life as one big joke;
You can make me the focus of a long, long performance

I’d love to one day be dissected,
To be quantified and weighed and numbered
Make me the animal that
No one cares about, just
Gets opened up and eaten.
Quantify me,
Make me a glorious prism of data
Make my rambling, trembling
Wants, thoughts, and desires
Valid

Heat

Abstain
From permitted selfish acts
We all acknowledge it
The carnivorous need to destroy
In flesh and love,
It’s not meant to be evil.
But for the love of God,
Can you just
Abstain?

Prove to me
And everyone else on the carousel
That your not a fucking
Monster
For the love of God,
Can you focus
Focus that heat
Focus that heat onto
Anything
Anything
Anyone

The Colour Brown

It is 12:48
The beginning of a new beginning
Dissonant noise is the teacher,
Teaching me that
Happiness is
A nullified ending.
In you go, and now here you come out:
Catharsis is your name.
We don’t see in color anymore,
We’re just mirrors reflecting off of each other
At this time of night
I realize
That
I am so beautiful
I am so pretty
I can’t help but glow
But I like being shaded in brown
Because it makes me
Like you!
When our souls finally accept the handshake
Will you then tell me that I’m also beautiful
Like you?
I want to hate those words so fucking much.

The Way You Deserve, Part II

Don’t call it a lovebomb,
You just don’t understand true passion.
Don’t call it neglect,
It’s not my fault you don’t pride yourself
Over me.
Over me?

You are an hourglass rattling away,
Your purpose coming to an end.
You are heavy, and I won’t lift you.
Not once, ever.
I am the transparent wave of pure bliss,
Everyone welcomes me and gets it,
Why don’t you get it?

I am passion personified.
I want nothing but fangs and snarls,
Hedonistic sighs and hatred wounds.
Cancelled spurts of whimpered puppy love,
Telephone wires carrying baby breath,
Kill them all.

This will hurt because I want it to.
Now, baby please, tell me how much I hurt you.
You won’t get what you deserve.

Truth Aggressive

I think we need
To take a breath
From each other’s lungs
And taste stale carbon!

Your lips are puffy, filled with…
Filled with sticky honey
Irreverent blues, suffocating beauty
Clap until your smile winces into a
Shoddy stem of a wanting petal

You should be abandoned,
You should feel true desperation
Gasping, gasping, gasping for just a
Tolerable state of mind
Never perfect, but angrily silent.
I can’t taste it.

Take this truth,
Swallow it!
I’m swallowing it,
Pain feels like remorse, right?
Shake that hand between the sheets until
You sense no sense of sense.
Ugly, ugly truths
Get swallowed so easily now,
Right?

On Loss

You can cause your own lust
You can cause your own pleasure
You can cause your own hedonism
You can cause your own mayhem

You are your own punishment
Your life that you can’t refuse
You will die here
I will die with you
I can’t even choke my own name
Out of your throat
I can’t squeeze life out of
Your dead morality

You are your own demise.
You are the worst.
Loss on loss
Endless

Time sensitive loyalty
Affected by your short term memory
Additional loss
Meaning given a deadline
Love behind a want
Everything you want obstructed by
Everything they need

Forevermore

Sunlight blaring at me.
You cause me such anxiety.

Betwixt your two lying, lifeless eyes
Lies a mind full of lust,
No thoughts for tomorrow,
Nothing worries you at all.
The past is like a voluntary noose,
The future is just vapid hearsay.
So where are you now?

Where are you now?
Why are you now?
Why, are you now!

When will loneliness be over?
When will I want no more?
The same tired lines from these
Same tired hands,
How they tremble.

God has left me forever wanting,
Bile gleaming off of this coffin
You can never wipe it away.
I want forevermore.
I wish for the ability to change you.
Forevermore.

PENNIESpennys

Enjoy the taste of last night’s sin
Bubbling at the edges of your mouth
Expanding ever so
Crawling back to be ingested.

Put another coin into the existential darkness,
Turn the crank,
Get your prize of repetition
You win and you win and you won’t but you…
Somebody is always watching.

Drown, please, come on and drown!
Let’s suffocate on this suffering;
Let’s stare at each other,
Fluttering eyelashes tickling one another,
Let’s punish each other forevermore.

I am yours, forever and ever and ever and…
I want this to stop.
I want this comfort forever.
The comfort of being sad.
I am indebted to you, my secret lover.
Icicles for teeth, blinders for eyelashes
Oh God, why are you so pretty?

Shameless.
I am devoted to you,
Like pennies to the crank.
This is my life, this is my content prison.
I love it so much, I am crying.

Gallant

Same time as ever,
An unfortunate slave to the clock.
I think if you thinking of me,
Thinking of you.
I hold you up high, I admire you.
The gavel comes down hard upon the
Broad camera that is my life.

I’m not shy.
Conniptions are cast every evening,
I can’t help but be dulled by it.
It’s so boring.

Am I a better person because of
My lack of care?
My lack of want.
Am I truly better?

Is my being worn down by time,
Truly benefiting me?
Or am I just becoming dull
And complacent
When will I know
That I
Am
Better?