A Scurry of Coquelicot

Alone and undefined
Left to watch via digital respite
A granting of windows into a neon world
Scurry and fend for myself
Losing this grip of arrows like Cupid’s failure

Whirring, whirling,
Landing upon my bed, blessed and serene
But my sandpaper skin is so sensitive
Plateau into Poena’s embrace
Awake to a calamity of circuitry
Into a blur, a frenzy of questions
Shuffle sick into telegrammed pity
Let’s call it what it is
Or is it?

Hieroglyphic, indecipherable to everyone
But lovers
A secret amongst Poine and Eros
Ones and zeroes decoded by whispers
Late into the blood moon night
Like a mountain made sick by its own height
Like a whale made to feel heavy in an ocean
Suffering alone
Silently killing
Blessings given by infrared
I love you

Sincerity

Shut the fuck up.
This is a place of solace, this is a catacomb
Of right rituals
This is the one place where I can be at the
Right time
All of the time.
I cannot understand your blaspheme,
Your tender anger
I will pretend to sacrifice my patronage
But this is all a jungle of trials
With ritualistic teeth

I am just noise
Loud, loud noise
Let me be,
Let me suffer,
Let me spill my guts on a violent moon,
A sacrificial artifact of an idea
Pluming into nothingness
Into your disdain
I am just a reaction
A reaction
A reaction

My life is one big reaction.

A Fervor In Testimony

So sensible, and yet so incredulous
Passionate, passionate heat from a cadaver

Bottomless ends meeting no demise
Forgive me; I am just an ignorant man!
Yet I ride on.

I survive.
I impact everyone and everything
I am a thankless god, raising fire out of shit.
I have a story to tell.

Swallow whole this story of hate, despise,
Sincerity, compassion, ignorance, and
Everything in between
Scalpel against my teeth as I push it away
With my lips, I pierce them split
And all that comes out is incredible tales
Don’t believe me.

I am evil.
I am terror, mistrust, gluttony, I am everything
That you hate
That I hate.
This is too honest to ever have my dreams
Come true
But I survive.

Sweats and shakes as I tell you this
Is it true? Who knows.
Bound by masochism,
Destroyed by love,
Boundless rhythms bouncing around in my heart
I will grab you by the nape
And force you to listen to my
Endless autobiography
I am everything we hate
Listen to me.

I will change
I will survive
Alone.
And I will tell this story over and
Over again.

Circinate

From a root,
A point of beginning
Taking in life and all of its inequalities
Everything is so extreme and impactful
And as you curl in from the hate and bitterness
Towards love and compassion
Only to circle around and have it all
Come back again

Again and again

It hurts less
You curve it around with love
And circle it around again
But then it will hurt again
And you circinate
Spiral
Endless empathy and fear
Over and over
Until you can finally be centered
Become whole
Everything in balance

The cycle ends
When you finally allow your love to curve
And become the end point
Of boundless joy

Tongues In Cheeks (lyrics)

Rot living in my chest
Vital signs a mess
Swaying like a threat

She’s laughing with her friends
Proprietary glands
Swaying like a threat

You can’t keep up like this
Take all the help you need
(Come on! Come on!)
With all the subtleness
Of tongues pressed against cheeks

Worker B. Botulism (lyrics)

Worker bees in limbo,
Share your secrets with the hive
Worker bees in torture,
Declare your thoughts for the hive
Worker bees in anguish,
Share your secrets with the hive
Honest bees in frenzy,
Spreading legs like maracas
Hoping for newsworthy feasts!

I have one eye turned toward ceilings,
Just in case I awake from visions
Of sitting by your family,
Their gaze is right on me

Teeth, watching teeth
Fall out my mouth
But in my dreams
Horrified, jut out hands
Collecting all my teeth

You said if I did everything required
Then I would never have to sleep alone

Worker bees dancing in circles,
encompassing me
And you keep razor-dull thought bubbles
Inside those dreams

Lovely Sadie Rose, part II

Seventeen birth defects,
One older than the last,
Because I’ve been riding on the backs
Of emotionless emotives;
From Seattle to San Diego,
Everybody needs more love than what’s given

It’s been eighteen years since we’ve talked,
Your name keeps on changing,
But I haven’t forgotten about you
Your mother is out there,
Probably self-indulgent and throwing tantrums
But she’s a nice woman, honest.

It’s been nineteen days since I’ve been back,
And every breath is a heart attack,
Suckling at videotape seascapes;
Today I slept until I could even awake.

It’ll be 20 more years until I get to see you again
I hope that next time
I’ll be happier to see you.
Don’t go home just yet,
I think I hear a bass drum in conjecture
With your departure.
Until we meet again.

The Shakes

Sometimes I look at the ceiling
And think about how I could be under
A different ceiling
I think about how big my heart is
And how capable of causing pain I am
I like to think about you
And pretend that I can smell your knees
I become aware of how big this bed is
And how I don’t need all this room to sleep

I’d rather be lovesick
Than not in love at all
It’s very cold in here
But I don’t want to get up
I’m too sad
Maybe I like being sad
I’d rather be sad about you than
Not sad at all
I just want to do those same things
With you
Again

Scurry

In tandem, in cycles
Vapid unnecessary anguish
Syllabic rhetoric preaching the same message
Try and try again

Your pain takes you nowhere
No one celebrates your triumphs
You’re in a vacuum of trials
Take this and give yourself another,
You’re not done yet

The whip hand solidified and cracking,
A hard surface meant for supple flesh
Hardened, aching pavement traveling
At the speed of vowels,
“I don’t want this”

Near

Conceptualist propaganda
Near death experiences either make you laugh
Or change your life
It feels like sleep
The most non-chalant mimicry of
Blissful noise
Don’t you?
I think life is joking with me
How do you not fear the God of
The unknown?
Who’s in control of you?
Absolute perpetuity of a kaleidoscope
Suffocating the suffocation blues
Seven on seven on seven and nothing more

Everything you’re feeling right now
That’s the whole prism of it
Everything that you are
That’s the whole prism