A Scurry of Coquelicot

Alone and undefined
Left to watch via digital respite
A granting of windows into a neon world
Scurry and fend for myself
Losing this grip of arrows like Cupid’s failure

Whirring, whirling,
Landing upon my bed, blessed and serene
But my sandpaper skin is so sensitive
Plateau into Poena’s embrace
Awake to a calamity of circuitry
Into a blur, a frenzy of questions
Shuffle sick into telegrammed pity
Let’s call it what it is
Or is it?

Hieroglyphic, indecipherable to everyone
But lovers
A secret amongst Poine and Eros
Ones and zeroes decoded by whispers
Late into the blood moon night
Like a mountain made sick by its own height
Like a whale made to feel heavy in an ocean
Suffering alone
Silently killing
Blessings given by infrared
I love you

Sincerity

Shut the fuck up.
This is a place of solace, this is a catacomb
Of right rituals
This is the one place where I can be at the
Right time
All of the time.
I cannot understand your blaspheme,
Your tender anger
I will pretend to sacrifice my patronage
But this is all a jungle of trials
With ritualistic teeth

I am just noise
Loud, loud noise
Let me be,
Let me suffer,
Let me spill my guts on a violent moon,
A sacrificial artifact of an idea
Pluming into nothingness
Into your disdain
I am just a reaction
A reaction
A reaction

My life is one big reaction.

A Fervor In Testimony

So sensible, and yet so incredulous
Passionate, passionate heat from a cadaver

Bottomless ends meeting no demise
Forgive me; I am just an ignorant man!
Yet I ride on.

I survive.
I impact everyone and everything
I am a thankless god, raising fire out of shit.
I have a story to tell.

Swallow whole this story of hate, despise,
Sincerity, compassion, ignorance, and
Everything in between
Scalpel against my teeth as I push it away
With my lips, I pierce them split
And all that comes out is incredible tales
Don’t believe me.

I am evil.
I am terror, mistrust, gluttony, I am everything
That you hate
That I hate.
This is too honest to ever have my dreams
Come true
But I survive.

Sweats and shakes as I tell you this
Is it true? Who knows.
Bound by masochism,
Destroyed by love,
Boundless rhythms bouncing around in my heart
I will grab you by the nape
And force you to listen to my
Endless autobiography
I am everything we hate
Listen to me.

I will change
I will survive
Alone.
And I will tell this story over and
Over again.

Circinate

From a root,
A point of beginning
Taking in life and all of its inequalities
Everything is so extreme and impactful
And as you curl in from the hate and bitterness
Towards love and compassion
Only to circle around and have it all
Come back again

Again and again

It hurts less
You curve it around with love
And circle it around again
But then it will hurt again
And you circinate
Spiral
Endless empathy and fear
Over and over
Until you can finally be centered
Become whole
Everything in balance

The cycle ends
When you finally allow your love to curve
And become the end point
Of boundless joy

Tongues In Cheeks (lyrics)

Rot living in my chest
Vital signs a mess
Swaying like a threat

She’s laughing with her friends
Proprietary glands
Swaying like a threat

You can’t keep up like this
Take all the help you need
(Come on! Come on!)
With all the subtleness
Of tongues pressed against cheeks

Worker B. Botulism (lyrics)

Worker bees in limbo,
Share your secrets with the hive
Worker bees in torture,
Declare your thoughts for the hive
Worker bees in anguish,
Share your secrets with the hive
Honest bees in frenzy,
Spreading legs like maracas
Hoping for newsworthy feasts!

I have one eye turned toward ceilings,
Just in case I awake from visions
Of sitting by your family,
Their gaze is right on me

Teeth, watching teeth
Fall out my mouth
But in my dreams
Horrified, jut out hands
Collecting all my teeth

You said if I did everything required
Then I would never have to sleep alone

Worker bees dancing in circles,
encompassing me
And you keep razor-dull thought bubbles
Inside those dreams

Lovely Sadie Rose, part II

Seventeen birth defects,
One older than the last,
Because I’ve been riding on the backs
Of emotionless emotives;
From Seattle to San Diego,
Everybody needs more love than what’s given

It’s been eighteen years since we’ve talked,
Your name keeps on changing,
But I haven’t forgotten about you
Your mother is out there,
Probably self-indulgent and throwing tantrums
But she’s a nice woman, honest.

It’s been nineteen days since I’ve been back,
And every breath is a heart attack,
Suckling at videotape seascapes;
Today I slept until I could even awake.

It’ll be 20 more years until I get to see you again
I hope that next time
I’ll be happier to see you.
Don’t go home just yet,
I think I hear a bass drum in conjecture
With your departure.
Until we meet again.

The Shakes

Sometimes I look at the ceiling
And think about how I could be under
A different ceiling
I think about how big my heart is
And how capable of causing pain I am
I like to think about you
And pretend that I can smell your knees
I become aware of how big this bed is
And how I don’t need all this room to sleep

I’d rather be lovesick
Than not in love at all
It’s very cold in here
But I don’t want to get up
I’m too sad
Maybe I like being sad
I’d rather be sad about you than
Not sad at all
I just want to do those same things
With you
Again

Scurry

In tandem, in cycles
Vapid unnecessary anguish
Syllabic rhetoric preaching the same message
Try and try again

Your pain takes you nowhere
No one celebrates your triumphs
You’re in a vacuum of trials
Take this and give yourself another,
You’re not done yet

The whip hand solidified and cracking,
A hard surface meant for supple flesh
Hardened, aching pavement traveling
At the speed of vowels,
“I don’t want this”

Near

Conceptualist propaganda
Near death experiences either make you laugh
Or change your life
It feels like sleep
The most non-chalant mimicry of
Blissful noise
Don’t you?
I think life is joking with me
How do you not fear the God of
The unknown?
Who’s in control of you?
Absolute perpetuity of a kaleidoscope
Suffocating the suffocation blues
Seven on seven on seven and nothing more

Everything you’re feeling right now
That’s the whole prism of it
Everything that you are
That’s the whole prism

Promise

I promise you
You’re the only set of eyes
Who’s seen this version of self
Until it blossoms
Until it weeps

Until the next one

Showdown

I’m becoming as callous as we
Want me to be
24 hours and a new revolt
Standing up and bludgeoning the
Stupid fucking concept of
Being forever on edge
Because you’re never
Because you’re always
Scissor wrap around the brittle pavement
Of a new nucleus with thoughts of
Turpentine mouth feels
Neglect it like nectar
Break it down into salt
Into vapor
Hand in fist, this is the most I’ve ever
Hated you

Suffocation shock
Sing for me,
Sing for May,
Sing for talentless goodbyes
The beck and call of monumental blossoms
If you’re going to do it
Look me
In
The
Eye

Integrity Is Fucking Dead

January, 2009
I was there, Slim’s in San Francisco
Waiting to see RX Bandits and
Portugal. The Man
Waiting in the crowd
I was alone and vivacious
Until I saw you
Post-fucked and satisfied
Looking back at me, patronizing
I couldn’t
I went downstairs
Told the person at the coat room
I just needed a smoke
No ins and outs
They were so kind
Understanding
So I went and began
Smoking in the bathroom
Smoking in the bathroom
In the bathroom
The bathroom
The

I enjoyed the show
From what I remember
But then I drove back home
Alone

I went right to bed

Persuasion

Welcoming you to Styrofoam City
Where I think they’re laughing at your band
Sipping subtle drinks out of paper hats,
Collecting punctuations and nicotine brands

Beat down buckles and noisy harps
Selling me a fickle Joe Pesci memory
Gawking at each other’s gawks,
Cementing socialite crops,
You think they see little old me?

I think I really want to hold their hand
I think I want to hate my band

Fuzzy neon kiss
I think I wanted another
Noisy chemical hiss
I can’t sleep alone tonight
You don’t even know
How perforated this bed frame is
You don’t even see
How much burning means to me

Decay

A place in history,
A seat amongst the beloved
Tailored just for you
No, me
A throne made out of anger and fear
I plucked a motor out of the ribcage
And it didn’t bleed
A place in history,
A seat amongst the beloved
Don’t tell anyone else what I’ve told you
Fickle gods cheek to cheek with their cunts
Pews clamoring for perpetual motion
A place in history,
A seat amongst the beloved
Someone better fucking shoot me soon
I think I look better as a silhouette
A vague idea of who I am
A place in history,
A seat amongst the beloved
I like how I bleed for them,
It means everything is finite
Nothing would be amazing if it lasted
A place in history,
A seat amongst the beloved

Noise

Will you just please
Take that fucking
Kettle off
The
Stove? It
Just won’t stop
Ruining my fucking night off. I

It’s so quiet

Smile

Cheek smacked against the unapologetic Pavement. Teeth bared against
Uneven cement, licking the strange sweat off the Granite
Skin set ablaze by violent friction. Lustful
I can smell myself turning into
Rubber
Like a
Hot stiletto.

Can you tell me:
Isn’t this what I asked for?

Soft

It comes in throes of subtle inconveniences

It becomes dilated and perverse,
Likened to an infant yammering creature.
I asked you if you still like me,
Even if I’m capable of making myself this ugly;
You sounded like perishable steam
Coming out of the gap at the bottom
Of a bathroom door. A pleasant hiss
“Reassure”

Bathroom laughter

How do you create intimacy?
Suffrage tolerated, even ordained
That’s a huge fucking plot hole,
Creating an unwanted universe of conniptions.
This isn’t my bright, weightless future
Leaning up against me,
What beautiful weight you press upon me

What giving sounds I’m allowed

Wistful hounding can be heard outside
Your bedroom window
Lifeless and mesmerizing,
Bellowing, soft cloudy lust
Press me against this, mark it as unbearable
So

I’ve fucked my way to the bottom,
Sifting Neanderthal knuckles into beautiful
Gilded feminine heat,
Held up by erections
Made to seem perfect and obtainable
This is not

This is a long road, no turns

I think I’m going to lay here
And submit to my own sense of
Self satisfaction
Brandishing a porcelain wreath of constant comfort
I think I’ve earned it,
Some may call it idle, I find it warming to be told
I find this narrowness to be soft
Blue siren in the THC-ridden water
Nicotine recreationalists submerged in
Simplicity

Don’t dumb this down
A tame blessing can’t be enjoyed;
Fighting for the fuzzy blue,
Sitting and burying the guarded
Doesn’t this view look like…?

Beat this into soft

A Day Off

A shriveled up piñata conjures up
Feelings of circumstance and sympathy;
No time! No time for cause and react.
That single seafoam-moaned orifice you
Put into your ordained pocket
Doesn’t it have a pickled pucker dedicated
To some dolled up deity?

Whiplash catacomb into a muffled harlot,
You gave up so easily.
Bring me back to the reprimanded saloon;
At least there I had a heart.

Think and think and think of a solution,
But everything comes up selfish.
Where is your pride?
Where is your stance?
Can we even call you a jaunted climax?
You’re no Marlon Brando.

Suffocate with idealism;
Yeah, everyone’s better for everyone else
Let’s pretend like you have “needs”
In that heart that bleeds so much
A concave of kabooms

Catering

Can you guess what floor we’re on?
It’s so funny to think
That you think
That we’re conducive
Billowy thoughts of grandeur

Pleasant pillows are allowed to believe
That the world revolves around them
Nicotine abrasiveness on your eardrums
Self induced smiles smell the worst

Blank pocket check
Have anything you want
The shrill being of it feels like a
Punishment
I’m sorry, did you want to be here?
I’m so sorry, did they make you feel ____

My mind is all
Lights and blurs
Push it further

Fucking Niche

They exited from conclaves,
Gatherers of finely-tuned haircuts and
Purveyors of gaunt leggings.
Symphonic in how ubiquitously underwhelming
The dialogue between does go

You know what I want,
You will want it more
So I’ll sacrifice my upper lip for the iron it costs
To want more

Hardened, brittled, agape with candied insides,
They feel you up and correct the flaws:
Every weakness a symptom,
Every cavity a nervous hungry home

You know what I want,
You will want it more
So I’ll sacrifice my preteen urgency for dull drums

They they will fit
And pervade
And lick
And blame a scentless mumbling of words
For the opportunity
Baroque masochism
Dialytic in sunglasses
We’re so cool.

Permanent

Gravity is so fickle,
It just goes and goes
The constant burrowing of change is
So stupidly funny;
How can it all be so enthralling then
Utterly disgusting
In minutes?

In months.

The allowance to change forever,
Burn coarser at every turn, every contortion.
Sickled sun sets, gives way to a voracious moon
Pulled by gravity.
You’re allowed to dishonor my grave,
The proof that you’re doing it right
Is in the heat of the laughter.

We’re Melting The Opaque Reliquary At Noon

I saw you today walking callously
No noise could shift your stride
A bouncing strut from a nerve-deprived body,
Is that a green moon a-driving by?

It moved around and around and around and

Is my hate overwhelming my pleasure?
The fruit machine keeps hitting triples
Is my want overriding my holdings?
Struck silent by a garbage sapphire temple

It moves round and round and round and

You begged him to stay, once you knew his name
He put you on the guest list, you’re a deity
Now sulking in the carpet’s mouth,
Sucking on cancerous shrines
We all gnaw at the nostalgia,
We can help ourselves but to gnaw

Sever the nauseous totem

I want to gather myself, calm and cool
And hold it all up to the baroque sky
Hear it sing its tune of giant tits and filthy fits
And feel it writhe under the weight of its own
Decadence
Underneath my fingernails is the undoubted
Rumbling of passive desires, catacomb hate
I want to feel the weight decrease
While it withers from my voluptuous power

Sultan smirks from a cacophony of empowering
Social goers
Can I get a high five when the disease is riddled?
We don’t know to grow

Bitter As My

Take them as they come,
Be that as it may,
Qué será, será; and other trite condolences

Jealousy is a wretched, contorted look on you
Your face bunched like a tree of mop heads
The lungs, sporadic. Twisting. Tightened tomb
Solidified, fractured, splintered into shreds
You stepped outside and saw putrid Pheme,
Her amphetamine trumpet shaking the floor
Unrequited actions begat actions greedily
Nicotine disease eating away at your angry door

Thunderclouds in a brown beehive,
Gagging on the smoke and ephemeral contempt
I hate you
And I’ve never met you
Or shared a word with you

Sickly neon penetrating my prizes,
My earnings,
What’s mine is yours, you shook it free
We’ve never met
And yet you have everything I own now
Is this jealousy? I know we’re both cowards.

Weeds

Thriving without consequence,
Sucking in the same air as you and I,
Taking even the meaningless trinkets
And making it their own, surviving.

You wish you could curse the sight.
You could never know what this feels like
So I
Never tell you
I just
I just joke
And I live day by day
You have no idea, you will never

Brilliant bibles of viscous
Burning Neon External Stimuli
That name sliding across
Every orifice; and it’s breathing:
Processing your personal infinitesimal
Nothingness…
Perpetuity
On and on, getting smaller
Diluted existence
As I age
Everything is weighed, calculated,
Measured, examined
Subsequent misery
For crimes of passion

Weeds that find their way in
Weeds that rummage and find your kink
Weeds that burrow into your persona
Weeds that claim you without knowledge of.

This growth staggers mine
A hungry child sucking in my vitamins
From afar
And they look so radiant
I’m the only one that knows
Its source

Parasite, I.
I don’t wish you well.



This climax is just so benign.
For some life so theatric,
I expected more nuance.

Punishment

Blatant chivalry
Met with crease-cut glee
Palm trees bursting with disease
A beach rancid like atrophy

God-given precipice
Masturbation-honed character bliss
Vital smile, deep vein kiss
Chromatic thriving cist

The earth is giving hate

Glorious

Touch
I want to be touched
Make contact
Skin to skin
Isn’t close enough
Sex isn’t close enough
The chromatic bouquet that is action
The tantalizing teasing of anticipation
Nails against my ribcage
Colour and solid matter exhilarating

What am I feeling?
I don’t recognize what I see and I love that.
My fingertips are spoiled with experience
I want the pain of youth forever
And I find it in this exact moment

Bliss is the excitement of the unknown
Accompanied by a recognized feature
Frenzy is just another synonym for joy

Crush me

Untitled

They relate
Why can’t we?

Because I’m not his sister