Plaything

Cuz you're my plaything,

I'm your beloved.

I'll leave you hanging,

Suspended above the bed.

Oh darling, darling!

They don't understand why we do anything, anything.

You ask if it's alright,

I'll tell you it's alright.

Everything's alright

I know you just want to obey.

I love you so much,

I touch you so much,

Oh we don't know much,

We just know that we like to play.

Don't go, just wait

There's no shame in letting our minds run wild

With lust on our brains

Let our passions burn about like wildfire.

Youth Culture '88

We all know just what to say

I think we'll get along okay

You say a lot and mean it all but how does it make you look?

If I told you what I'm thinking,

I know you'd hate everything.

I like the things you think you think you think

Explain it all to me, but I still think what I think

Youth, selective tolerance.

If I told you what I'm thinking,

I know you'd hate everything.

Nevermind what's right or wrong here

Culturally, we're the same.

I Want To Burn

And so we meet,

Eyes open wide

Give in, receive,

I want to burn, douse me in flames.

Let's play a game

Of who hurts first

We'll writhe in pain,

I want to burn, douse me in flames.

Modern Voids

Complacency
Has taken hold of me,
That ever-growing word that sings you away
From the terrors that plagued you in your teens,
And robbed you of your sleep,
All those sleepless nights you were terrified of your own mind.
Those all have died.

And now you're left with complacency.
Congratulations, these senses have all been rubbed off,
Those stubs from your soul struggle to wriggle.
You don't love, you don't lust,
You can't even be bothered to feel sad.
You're the fattest starving artist.

Complacent and surviving,
Calm and thriving,
But where do your passions lie this late at night?

Your shadows cast away and denounce you,
You're alone and weak and boring,
But that's alright, at least you're not
Foaming at the mouth, romanticizing suicide.

Complacency.

How do we get our passions back
When the fruits have no flavour?
How do we sharpen ourselves to perform at our best,
When you've chosen to grind away all the edges that pained you?

35 & Desperate

Hope you're out of hope,

So that you'll burn out and stop.

Choke on all those words

That lay loose in your throat but get caught.

You're not the kind of girl that sits with no love,

You always dress to impress all of your suitors.

But they can't suit you, such lustful attitude,

You're alone, alone.

Hell seems easy

When you're near me

Hell seems easy

When there's no chase from desperation.

Set all your desires

Alight to watch moths lick the flame.

Laugh while lovers whisper:

"Bon sang ne saurait montir, traite".

Can't kick the habit of "why can't I have it?

After all, sex is just a physical thing."

You just can't manage collateral damage

You're alone, alone.

Hell seems easy

When you're near me

Hell seems easy

When there's no chase from desperation.

I just need

Time to see

All you'll be

Is alone.

Neon Black Everything.

Taste it once, I can't forget

Now let me lick it  up until I do regret.

When I make love it's neon black everything.

When I wake up, it's neon black everything.

I drink at night, and dance so wet,

And strip myself down and feel the need to dress.

I look around, it's neon black everything.

I bleed my veins, it's neon black everything!

Kill me now, I'll resurrect,

What I'll become is the same as I was then.

In my heart, it's neon black everything.

I'm neon black, it's neon black everything!

I love the night and all it is, all within;

I love the leather, the way it chokes out my skin;

I love the lights, soak me in florescent;

I love neon and black, neon black everything!

Bury me baby, I'm alone.

Don't color me baby, I want none.

Fade Away

Hold me, I know I'm not well.

I just can't take the downfall.

You are not blameless, but please blame me

I can't learn unless I'm shamed.

I need to focus, to make you miss this

These lovely lessons about rejection

Are bound to happen with the ones you love.

I'm not your lover, I'm just a liar

We hit a crossroads and now I'm alone

I can't believe what you've disposed of

Rituals I keep that keep me insane

Hoping that habit will make something change

And you just beg for bullets in your brain

You can't forgive, so I won't back away.

I don't want to ever fade away.

I can't let you make me fade away.

You always go back to no talk

You confess that it was not love

You can't deny what was discussed

You can't deny all those moments

I need to focus, to make you miss this

These lovely lessons about rejection

Are bound to happen with the ones you love.

I'm not your lover, I'm just a liar

We hit a crossroads and now I'm alone

I can't believe what you've disposed of

Rituals I keep that keep me insane

Hoping that habit will make something change

And you just beg for bullets in your brain

You can't forgive, so I won't back away.

Fade away.

I Was Loved

Funny how fast things can go from present to past participle.

It happens so smoothly, it seems no one notices at all

From one day choosing furniture and lying naked, joking

To ignoring each other in public, to barely noticing

To making out as if there was never a spark at all.

Or are we fronting?

Seems cliche to say, but I'm sure that there's more,

I'm sure there's some facet in this we hadn't yet explored,

Something that would bind us closer and indefinitely

But there's too many missed words to allow these things.

I see you on the corner, but I see you aren't mine.

You're everyone else's.

I remember reaching out to friends, asking "where do I go from here?"

Their answer? "Just go away, it'll be worse than you've ever feared"

And I laughed and shrugged them off, saying "what do you know?

You don't know the kind person I am now, I've grown tenfold!

There isn't anything that I cannot accomplish"

But how can anyone predict another?

Coming "home" for days and playing husband,

Cleaning every corner of the house, at least he ones he wasn't in

And hoping to be met with some sort of astonishment

"You're the best, holy shit, we're so lucky to have met"

Watching documentaries of people I don't care about

Only to ask you more of them.

Never once was I met with a question, of why I am me;

Of what makes me tick, of where I wanted to be,

Of dreams and plans and fears and ultimately fantasies.

All I ever heard was "you're not this, you're not me"

So glad that there's sanctuary after the fall,

At least, I thought there was.

Moping, mourning, laying awake until 4 AM

And wondering why you won't ever touch me again.

You're six inches away and yet there's no desire

There's no reason to be here other than I'm hoping for desire

You blame it on everything else but what's in front,

But we both know better than that.

Lying here in the break of dawn alone, and writing out my laments,

I'm wondering why you did those, and where we could have been,

I'm jealous of everyone, of people I've never met

And yet I'm anxious of what will happen, of your astonishment

That everything's that's been said has been a front,

As hurt as I am, I cannot hurt you back.

I was once loved, and met with it each and everyday

From feeling you wrapped around me, to in between prolonged gaze

And now I' just an afterthought, I'm just a past tense,

I'm less of a man, rather, I'm more of a failed chance.

I'm everything I don't wanna be,

I want to be presently loved.

These Vacuous Days

These vacuous days

Wasting daylight

Just for the nightlife

Where I know you'll be

These wasteful years

Because I'm afraid

To put in the effort

To become my best

The act of revenge

Never satisfies

Living well is never

The best act of revenge

Nothing is ever as lonely

As allowing yourself to be

In hopes that absence

Makes the heart grow fonder

Only to find that

Once you are absent

You are not missed

And life goes on.

Without you.

The worst part about being alone is allowing your mind to wander

And resorting to something you're not to satiate the need to know.

Panicked Works

There's nothing but panic in this contrived state of being.

Slipping in and out of love with yourself and with the ones you surround yourself with,

Where everything you try and everything you do,

You feel yourself kicking to stay alive but only find that

You're sinking deeper.

There's a melody in the air that buzzes and croons

And everybody you know is singing the same fucking tune

You purse your lips and stretch your vocals chords in every which way,

But you can't harmonize at all,

Nothing works.

Your panic pounds in your ears and you shapeshift for weeks,

Trying to find a new you that only seems to please

You clean up your mistakes and you put the past behind,

But still you're drowning, you're fucking drowning.

Just let go. No, you can't.

You can't allow yourself to die

So you kick with all your might

But you're down. Yes, you're at the bottom.

Which way do you swim when you're disoriented

And every direction points down?

You're falling away. You're slipping apart.

You can't even harmonize and you've forgotten how to rhyme.

Everyday you're just a little bit farther away,

While this trainwreck fucks your organs.

There's a song all your friends are singing,

Their voices are lovely and full of life,

They sing about fortune

And progress

And success

And love

And fulfilled dreams

And accomplished desires

And you know just how you sound,

You want to flesh the song out,

And add your little tune,

But whatever chords you try,

No matter the shape of the song.

Nothing seems to work.

Nothing ever works.