Measurements

Do you have the capacity to
Quantify affection?
Do you understand how short-lived and
Short term that is?
If you could quantify hatred,
Wouldn’t that just give more of the
Same feeling?
You have the ability to laugh,
To measure defeat in a friend,
To make me want to
Take life as one big joke;
You can make me the focus of a long, long performance

I’d love to one day be dissected,
To be quantified and weighed and numbered
Make me the animal that
No one cares about, just
Gets opened up and eaten.
Quantify me,
Make me a glorious prism of data
Make my rambling, trembling
Wants, thoughts, and desires
Valid

Heat

Abstain
From permitted selfish acts
We all acknowledge it
The carnivorous need to destroy
In flesh and love,
It’s not meant to be evil.
But for the love of God,
Can you just
Abstain?

Prove to me
And everyone else on the carousel
That your not a fucking
Monster
For the love of God,
Can you focus
Focus that heat
Focus that heat onto
Anything
Anything
Anyone

The Colour Brown

It is 12:48
The beginning of a new beginning
Dissonant noise is the teacher,
Teaching me that
Happiness is
A nullified ending.
In you go, and now here you come out:
Catharsis is your name.
We don’t see in color anymore,
We’re just mirrors reflecting off of each other
At this time of night
I realize
That
I am so beautiful
I am so pretty
I can’t help but glow
But I like being shaded in brown
Because it makes me
Like you!
When our souls finally accept the handshake
Will you then tell me that I’m also beautiful
Like you?
I want to hate those words so fucking much.

The Way You Deserve, Part II

Don’t call it a lovebomb,
You just don’t understand true passion.
Don’t call it neglect,
It’s not my fault you don’t pride yourself
Over me.
Over me?

You are an hourglass rattling away,
Your purpose coming to an end.
You are heavy, and I won’t lift you.
Not once, ever.
I am the transparent wave of pure bliss,
Everyone welcomes me and gets it,
Why don’t you get it?

I am passion personified.
I want nothing but fangs and snarls,
Hedonistic sighs and hatred wounds.
Cancelled spurts of whimpered puppy love,
Telephone wires carrying baby breath,
Kill them all.

This will hurt because I want it to.
Now, baby please, tell me how much I hurt you.
You won’t get what you deserve.

Truth Aggressive

I think we need
To take a breath
From each other’s lungs
And taste stale carbon!

Your lips are puffy, filled with…
Filled with sticky honey
Irreverent blues, suffocating beauty
Clap until your smile winces into a
Shoddy stem of a wanting petal

You should be abandoned,
You should feel true desperation
Gasping, gasping, gasping for just a
Tolerable state of mind
Never perfect, but angrily silent.
I can’t taste it.

Take this truth,
Swallow it!
I’m swallowing it,
Pain feels like remorse, right?
Shake that hand between the sheets until
You sense no sense of sense.
Ugly, ugly truths
Get swallowed so easily now,
Right?

On Loss

You can cause your own lust
You can cause your own pleasure
You can cause your own hedonism
You can cause your own mayhem

You are your own punishment
Your life that you can’t refuse
You will die here
I will die with you
I can’t even choke my own name
Out of your throat
I can’t squeeze life out of
Your dead morality

You are your own demise.
You are the worst.
Loss on loss
Endless

Time sensitive loyalty
Affected by your short term memory
Additional loss
Meaning given a deadline
Love behind a want
Everything you want obstructed by
Everything they need

Forevermore

Sunlight blaring at me.
You cause me such anxiety.

Betwixt your two lying, lifeless eyes
Lies a mind full of lust,
No thoughts for tomorrow,
Nothing worries you at all.
The past is like a voluntary noose,
The future is just vapid hearsay.
So where are you now?

Where are you now?
Why are you now?
Why, are you now!

When will loneliness be over?
When will I want no more?
The same tired lines from these
Same tired hands,
How they tremble.

God has left me forever wanting,
Bile gleaming off of this coffin
You can never wipe it away.
I want forevermore.
I wish for the ability to change you.
Forevermore.

PENNIESpennys

Enjoy the taste of last night’s sin
Bubbling at the edges of your mouth
Expanding ever so
Crawling back to be ingested.

Put another coin into the existential darkness,
Turn the crank,
Get your prize of repetition
You win and you win and you won’t but you…
Somebody is always watching.

Drown, please, come on and drown!
Let’s suffocate on this suffering;
Let’s stare at each other,
Fluttering eyelashes tickling one another,
Let’s punish each other forevermore.

I am yours, forever and ever and ever and…
I want this to stop.
I want this comfort forever.
The comfort of being sad.
I am indebted to you, my secret lover.
Icicles for teeth, blinders for eyelashes
Oh God, why are you so pretty?

Shameless.
I am devoted to you,
Like pennies to the crank.
This is my life, this is my content prison.
I love it so much, I am crying.

Gallant

Same time as ever,
An unfortunate slave to the clock.
I think if you thinking of me,
Thinking of you.
I hold you up high, I admire you.
The gavel comes down hard upon the
Broad camera that is my life.

I’m not shy.
Conniptions are cast every evening,
I can’t help but be dulled by it.
It’s so boring.

Am I a better person because of
My lack of care?
My lack of want.
Am I truly better?

Is my being worn down by time,
Truly benefiting me?
Or am I just becoming dull
And complacent
When will I know
That I
Am
Better?

The Way You Deserve [lyrics]

It’s all been said and done;

The actions you’ve come to expect.

I can’t shake you awake

I won’t wash off of your skin

In your head again

You’re in your head again

What’s loving with no want?

What’s time spent with no gain?

What’s good times with no calm?

What’s marriage with no faith?

In your head again

You’re in your head again

Severed tongues in my mouth

One speaks of wants, yours of disdain

Like a punished child, I chew it all up,

Swallowing wholly accepted blame

Look at the shifted toys, look at my tickled nape

Look at my softened smile, 

look at my wanted gaze

Here’s another gift of silence

When all you want is noise

I can’t love you the way you deserve

In your head again

You’re in your head again

What’s loving with no want?

What’s time spent with no gain?

What’s good times with no calm?

What’s marriage with no faith?

All of this redemption with none of the suffering

Twenty years of favoritism and idolatry

I don’t want this, but I’ll be your choice

Here’s another gift of silence

When all you want is noise

I can’t love you the way you deserve

Not a mother’s love

Or a lover’s want

Just a spotlighted shove

Of a sexual debutante, debutante